So many tears

 
Last night while catching up with an old friend, we began talking about our kids and the things we see them going through. While seeing them achieve things that make them feel good and smiling, makes us smile and feel good as a parent. There's always a flip side. My friends daughter started high school this year and is now being bullied by a small group of girls. I can feel my friends pain. I've experienced my Mr8 go through the same things. Oh god, it was heartbreaking. You do all the right things and report it to the teachers, the school. You speak with other parents, and we all sit down with our kids to talk to them about bullying and supporting your friends. Unfortunately, it doesn't make it go away. 
Our school has a very strong anti-bullying policy, the problem is bullies will keep bullying because they are the ones that walk away pain free and unpunished. In the meantime its our kids, the victims, that go through a roller coaster of emotions, pain and misery because of what has been said to them. Apples really don't fall far from the tree and it does make you think of the bullies own environment for them to think its OK and continue on with it even though they are taught otherwise at school. 
For months on end, my son would be in tears before even getting dressed for school. I had every excuse given to me as to why he didn't want to go that day. It was hard and heartbreaking. You feel like you're leading them to the slaughter because attending school is far more important than some bad mannered child. You as the parent go through every possible thought during the school day. My son has a lot of great friends, but being young and impressionable, do they think their friend is still really cool after hearing the words some mean spirited kid has said? Do they still want to play with him when someone else thinks otherwise? Just the pain of thinking that your child is spending playtime sitting on their own watching everyone else laughing and having fun, leaves more pain in your heart than anything you could imagine. Luckily my son has a great support group at school but yet he did have a few days like that. He would either go to the library and spend the lunch break in the chaplain's room playing games with some other kids. I spent many a nights crying into my pillow after my son had gone to sleep because it would just break me down. My family would have to be my only vulnerability. 
No matter how many times things were reported, these things just kept happening. I can't be there at school to stop every bad thing that happens. We teach our kids right from wrong, how to be strong and stand up for yourself & friends. Yet, with one action from another, all that can be torn down and replaced with misery, no confidence, anxiety. I ended up having to take it into my own hands and I called our school to inform them Mr8 would be leaving, it was then we were asked to come to a meeting with our principal. All of what had been going on had already been notified to the staff, but yet you still have to go through it all again. So after many meetings and agreements being made, my son felt OK enough to go to school. (There were days where I would have to keep him home because he was just too scared to go.) 
Its now approximately 4 months since that, my son is improving. He suffers from anxiety, has little to no self confidence or self esteem and even some depression.  No child should ever have to suffer from all that. It's been a long and hard road, it still is. We are slowly getting through it all. We still have hard days, especially when he has an anxiety attack. As a parent, it breaks you down so much that you need to work through it too. It's hard on all fronts, it doesn't just affect one person. We try to protect our kids from everything, unfortunately, it's just not possible. It still hurts me at times, that we had to experience such a hard time of it. We still have days when Mr8 doesn't want to go, but we work though it. No matter how minor or major the bullying is, its still bullying and it's not OK. The bully themselves, yes they got spoken to and is not allowed to go near the areas the younger children play. My son's particular bully was from the older grades. It always seems the victims are the ones dealt the hardest blow. 
My friend and I had quite the emotional time last night, she knows she has all our support and strength behind her. We are on this journey together with our kids, together they will grow stronger.

A child's adoration, an adult's dream & a true legend

Mr8: "Mum, did you go to school with Mark?"

Me: "No my sweets, whys that?"

Mr8: "Well if you did, you could marry him. Do you know how cool that would be?"

Me: "Why?"

Mr8: "Because he's the Undertaker! Gees mum." 

That was the Tuesday special conversation going to school this morning. My darling son has my love life all planned out in his world. It wasn't so long ago he wanted me to marry Sting, only cause he looks cool. But the Undertaker is his favourite and apparently I'm going to be his next wife, lmao good luck with that son. 

But regardless, our conversation did get me thinking on my way home. There's many out there that really can't deny having a "thing" for the Taker. Hell, I'll put my hand up. Mr Calaway is a very impressive and admirable man. Anyways, that's not my reason for this blog. My son watched the Scooby Doo movie with WWE not that long ago, he was amazed when I started mentioning the names of the wrestlers to him. He hadn't really been into the wrestling at that point. Now, well it's quite a different story. Fortunately, he missed that Neanderthal end the streak. Unfortunately my son hasn't had the pleasure of watching the Taker wrestle in a live match. Thankfully for you tube and the WWE Network he is able to watch past matches. The one match never seen and probably never will be seen in our house is WM30. Just like every other Taker fan, my boy can't wait to for him to come back. I'd love to see him back too, but at what price? I have seen so many things written for Taker in the last few months. Everything including happy retirement & thanks to when people think that the Taker will come back. I have to admit, it all kind of disappoints me. 

The wrestlers we watch, they all have a personality, a life outside of their portrayed characters. We all know this, without a doubt. But do we all acknowledge that when we're yearning to see them in the ring? Do we tend to forget that while it would be exciting to feel the kind of adrenalin or adoration or jet setting lifestyle they experience that at the same time many of the wrestlers would like the simple things we have day to day? Things such as coming home every night to our family and enjoying a meal, going on that family holiday with nothing more than approved holidays only a few weeks beforehand. Each and everyday, these guys and girls are busting their arses to be the next champion, the next number one contender. Yes, they are well aware of what's involved but everything in life has a price, everything eventually takes it toll. 

There are so many wrestlers that have spent more time going from city to city and being on our tv screens than they have with their own families. They go through battles like all of us, they aren't bulletproof. We always seem to want the things other people have and forget the beauty and wonder of life that's standing right in front of us. 

Mr Calaway is a hero of mine. Hopefully one day I'll get around to taking my son to see him, fingers crossed at least. I admire all he has done, in and outside if the ring. I hope we do see you back in the ring at some point. More importantly, enjoy your time away from the rat race & spending it with your beautiful family. We hope you're feeling good and recovering well. You never know what the future holds, maybe you'll make the tour when WWE returns to Australia. Until then...

From my family to your own, sending you much love & blessings. Rest up, have fun & wreak havoc when it's needed :-) 

Happy Birthday to me

Birthdays, we love the celebrations but most are never really comfortable with the rising number of our age. I'll admit I never wanted to get old when I was younger, who does? I'm happy to say that on Monday I turned 34. I'm not ashamed of it, yeah my number is getting higher but oh well. Life is all about what you make of it. So on Monday, I chose to take my son down to Movieworld, catch up with my best friend and make a fun day of it. It's no secret I love motor racing, motor bikes, motogp, F1, anything that goes fast. I'm an adrenalin junkie. I love my Holden's with a passion, I'd only ever own a Ford if it's a mustang. Nothing against Ford, I was raised to follow the Lions den. I'm a huge supporter of V8 drivers such as Craig Lowndes, Russell Ingall & Mark Skaife. But one of my most favourites is Warren Luff.

Yes ladies, we all know Waz is lovely on the eyes, and when he flashes those pearly whites, even the coldest hearts would melt. Putting all that aside, Waz is a fantastic and successful driver. When Wazza told me he was driving in the stunt show on Monday, the pit pass was a possibility. What a dream, to be a passenger to Warren Luff! Definitely not something I thought I would actually ever do. Since I had my son, I've tried not to be so addicted to being a daredevil but sometimes you just can't ignore it. My best friend, Cas said to me as soon we walked into Movieworld, that I had to do the pit pass experience. Of course I replied "Only if I get Luffy as the driver." In the end after watching the first show, we strolled up to a lovely man named Troy and booked it in. It was set, all ready to go. We went in, watched the second show and had an absolute blast. Troy took us downstairs, while telling us more than once that he would be keeping a close eye on me as I'm likely to be a distraction to poor Wazza. Funny man he is! Of course I wasn't, was I Waz? 

After getting kitted out in my onesie, had a few snapshots done, I went down and met Wazza. Suddenly he stopped being Warren Luff, the professional V8 driver & Carrera Cup driver, he was just Waz. The devilishly handsome Waz, but more like my mate Waz. The few butterflies I had just disappeared and the blood started pumping. I couldn't wait to get my butt into that car. I was planning to go last but decided to go first. I got harnessed in and off we went. It was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. Definitely the best thing I've done on any birthday yet. During it, I had a lovely chat with Waz as if we were doing nothing more than having a coffee break. I can honestly say, if you go to MovieWorld, be sure to include a pit pass in your itinerary. It is a must have on the day. I will be doing it again. I'm even going to step up and do the V8 hot lap experience. 

For all my friends in Sydney or those travelling to Sydney and want a great driving experience, check out www.ianluff.com.au or look Ian Luff up on adrenalin.com.au If you are going to learn anything new or refine your motoring skills, you are wise to do it with the best. (Yes that was a self included plug.) 

Thank you to my lovely Cas, who really is more like my little sister than a friend. I am so glad I got to share my day with you. Thank you for encouraging me to take the plunge and just do it. And Waz, I can not thank you enough for the awesome experience you gave me, thank you for also being a part of my day. I hope to catch up with you again someday. To everyone else, forget biding your time, just do it. You will never know what you're missing if you don't. 

An Open View in a Closed Dimension

Was I disappointed last night? Of course I was, we didn't deserve to win after the amount of missed opportunities from our boys. We could've, should've, would've won. But we didn't. I was just as disappointed in the booing of Jobe Watson. I know what I may say will not go down well amongst some, but for this blog I am taking off my Carlton cap and plainly wearing my AFL cap. If I, like many others didn't love the game of AFL I certainly wouldn't have my own set team that I follow. I was raised a Carlton supporter, even though my household is greatly divided. My father is Carlton through and through, my mother is just as loyal to her beloved Swans. A brother for Carlton and my oldest brother has been Essendon for roughly 27 years. And not one of us are from Melbourne nor do we live in Victoria. 

Yes it has been very hard to see him go through this saga with the amount of passion he has for his club. Hell I would've have been just as emotional and disappointed but yet still loyal if it was my club. I have spoken many times with my bro about this ongoing issue and no result of any particular match or the possible outcome of any sanctions handed to Essendon has influenced me all season. I believe that any club if found in breach of the code rules and regulations should justifiably pay the penalties given to them, I do not believe that any matter should be handled like a witch hunt. 

There has been much speculation of Essendon losing points, draft priorities, fines and suspensions. Say they do lose points and Carlton make the 8, it would be a very hard pill to swallow for me. I don't feel we have done enough to warrant a spot in the 8 this season. Looking at the result from a purely AFL fan's perspective, the AFL need to hand down whatever it feels necessary to be seen as being proactive against code breaches and to save the integrity of our great game. Regardless of which team is sitting 9th, because honestly I don't care which of the 17 clubs that is, if the AFL feel that a spot in the 8 could of been held by a team without the speculated assistance that has been reported that the Bombers have had then they need to do what they see fit. 

Of course I'd be happy to see my beloved team in the finals, that's what every supporter of their club wants to see. But that still doesn't take away the fact that many of us feel we don't deserve that, but as I said, if the AFL and possibly the other 17 clubs feel that they could've made the 8 previously and fairly then that's what will happen.

I'll admit, I feel for the whole Essendon community. This is something that is bigger than just the game. There are mothers, fathers, siblings, sons & daughters, wives & girlfriends, extended family and friends that this all affects. Would I stand by and watch my brothers be called a drug cheat? Hell no, would you? As far as I've heard, the only substances that have been given a name to the public, were not deemed banned at the time. This information is easily found, I found that myself 4 months ago and informed my brother of that before either one of us had heard it mentioned to the wider public. Now I'm not claiming to know all the details, anyone would be stupid to do so outside of those involved. But I'm not looking at this as a one-eyed bias supporter of any one particular club either. For the love of the game, look at what is the big picture. If by chance, Carlton are slotted in the 8, for each and every finals win we may have, and if we dare to dream, a 17th premiership comes our way, a part of me will always dedicate it to our brothers and sisters of the AFL community from another club. We are all united by our love of footy regardless of the teams we choose to follow. 

The role of any official, therapist, medical professional in a club no matter the sport, is to provide the best possible service to their club and their athletes. There will always be people and great new technology, newer therapies and aids that will test and push the boundaries. We all only ever want the best for our sporting hero's. While there is a lot going on within this saga, sometimes we all need to take a step back, forget our bias and look at every aspect of the situation. Just remember, through the actions of others this is could just as easily be any one of our clubs that this happens to. 

To my Blues family, I love our club and I know that we all have different views and opinions, many of you will not agree with mine. That is ok, but I will not apologise for putting my love of our game before the passion of my club. Without the game, there is no team. 

To all those in the Essendon community, I hope this is resolved swiftly but smartly and that the penalties handed down are justifiable and not over the top. I hope, that if there are suspensions, that those affected are back in due course. On a personal note to Jobe, I admire you, always have. You are a champion and from what I see, a top bloke. Hold your head high Jobe, you have every right to do so. To Jimmy, you were a player we hated to oppose. You grew into a champion of our game and have developed into a great coach and clubman for Essendon. No one is naive enough to think that this saga will not tarnish the club or anyone from there. But that's the beauty of mistakes. Wrongs can be righted and attitudes changed. I personally, will always have great respect for you, yes right now I am disappointed. But you will be there, you will grow and learn from this and I have no doubt at all, that you will be an even stronger force to be reckoned with when the right time comes. 

This has been one of the longest blogs I have done in sometime, but looking from the outside, there is just too much stupidity being thrown around and neglecting the truths. Please refrain from being abusive or nasty if leaving comments. This is only my opinion, I respect those of everyone else's but I will not have my thoughts influenced by those that are different to my own. I don't tell you what to think so please be respectful of what others think. I myself, see fit to be able to voice my own opinion as should everyone without being disrespectful and nasty to others. As a mother to a young son who wants to grow up to be in the AFL, I hope that our game's image recovers and come backs even better than it has been. To those who have taken the time to read this, thank you. 

I thought I had lost my blog, for the life of me I couldn't remember my log in for it. It's been so long since I've written anything, but yet so much has happened. Not all of it good, some of it bloody brilliant and some, down right heartbreaking.

 I lost one of our most beautiful friends, our dearest Bethan. We are all still going through the grieving process. It has been very very hard on all of us, but we are currently working together on a very special project. Once I can give you all more information, I promise I will. I have also lost my wonderful step-mum due to totally unexpected circumstances. Yes its hard, and it's been very rough. I've got some of the most wonderful people around me that I just couldn't live without. They know who they are so I'm not going to go into that right now. 

Some good news is, some of my closest friends have all welcomed new babies into their families and its been such a blessing to be a part of it with them all and share in their happiness. I love all my little darlings. Of course, my little fella isn't so little anymore and is growing up so very fast. He's totally into Batman of course, why wouldn't he be with me as his mum.. haha 

Over the last couple of years, there have been tears and heartache, many laughs and smiles. All the bad things that make us stronger, yet found great things that have managed to become weaknesses because of how much I love them. I will divulge more along the way. For now, I am back and happy. It's good to have found my blog again. Hopefully this time, I won't ignore it and actually write more consistently. I've been writing poetry again so I may share some of those too. I hope everyone is well and things have been good for you all. 

Sending you all lots of love and smiles, xx

My Tribute To B

Our Dearest Beanie,

I have so much I want to say and so much I never got to say. Its so hard to find the right words to do you justice but nothing is coming up trumps for me. You my girl, are such a bright and shining star that when we lost you the whole sky went black and no star ever shone bright again. I remember all those nights where, thanks to the time gap, I lived on about 4 hours sleep a day. Not easy when my son was just a toddler at the time, haha, but it worked and we wouldn't have had it any other way. I was always so proud and pleased for you whenever you told me something had happened in your favour. You deserved all the beauty in the world. You always left your smiling face with us, and in turn always made me smile. Sure we had our crying moments when things got rough, but there was always so much more laughter than tears. And vodka! I'll never forget the first time you told me about Tom and how happy you are that you found him. I don't believe you could've have found someone any better. I thank Tom with all my heart for coming into B's life and opening her up to such a happy and love filled life. Oh B, I just don't know what to do without you. There is such an empty void there that we are all feeling and know it will never be filled without you. Thankfully, we were blessed enough to have such an angel in our lives and leave us with such fond, fun-filled and loving memories. I know people say that we are all here for a designated time until our duty calls us somewhere else. I know that wherever you are, you will be doing even greater good for those that need you now. As I always say, we are here for a good time, not a long time. B, you definitely provided everyone around you with a good time. I just wish that we could've just erased some of the bad that surrounded you. I wish I could've taken away your pain. Beanie Bear, I thank you for all the lessons you taught me, all the smiles you shared with me and all the laughter we had. I will always miss you babes, and love you for eternity. Our sisters are all taking care of each other, we will always take care of and be there for Tom. Please don't ever forget that if you see me mess up or that your little nephew has, to come down and give me a good shake up. Thank you my little sister for being the absolutely, wonderful and beautiful person that is you.

Our tears may fade, but our love will always stay.

Love you always B,

 Peta

Unanswered questions

What would you do if you met your soul mate and never experienced life with them? How would you feel if they were always just inches out of your reach? Is there really only one true love for everyone? If there is, but we never find that person how would we know what a true love feels like? For all we know, the person we end up choosing to be with is that one true love. If we never meet our soul mate, or if we do but don't end up with them for different reasons, do we just wing it through life by being content? What if you've met your soul mate but life without them in it is too painful to bear, but yet you go on without them because you know deep in your heart they are happy with their life?
Love, like life itself has too many unanswered questions. We are never truly comfortable just leaping into the unknown. We have a need to know what it is we are facing, its weaknesses and strengths. How to conquer it and if we do not, how to deal with the aftermath. We fear taking the leap, for fear of failure. To not know the happiness that awaits, but once you've found it, how to keep it. What to do and how it feels to lose it. All these things we do not know unless we've been there before. Yes I've been broken, taken to what felt like the deepest pits of Tartartus. Shot in the heart with the master bolt by Zeus himself. Even the gods themselves can't keep me down. Love and life, a roller coaster of emotions and an endless tale of commitment, never ending comprises. But we do them all.. for love.